The true spirit of conversation consists more in bringing out the cleverness of others than in showing a great deal of it yourself.
—Jean de La Bruyère
If you need a favor from people, do not remind them of what you have done for them in the past, trying to stimulate feelings of gratitude. Gratitude is rare because it tends to remind us of our helplessness, our dependence on others. We like to feel independent. Instead, remind them of the good things they have done for you in the past. This will help confirm their self-opinion: “Yes, I am generous.” And once reminded, they will want to continue to live up to this image and do yet another good deed. A similar effect can come from suddenly forgiving your enemies and forging a rapprochement. In the emotional turmoil this creates, they will feel obligated to live up to the high opinion you have now shown toward them and will be extra motivated to prove themselves worthy.
Daily Law: Stimulate feelings of a high self-opinion in your targets.
The Laws of Human Nature
, 7: Soften People’s Resistance by Confirming Their Self-Opinion—The Law of Defensiveness