Most men . . . seek less to be instructed, and even to be amused, than to be praised and applauded.
—Jean de La Bruyère
Influence over people and the power that it brings are gained in the opposite way from what you might imagine. Normally we try to charm people with our own ideas, showing ourselves off in the best light. We hype our past accomplishments. We promise great things about ourselves. We ask for favors, believing that being honest is the best policy. What we do not realize is that we are putting all of the attention on ourselves. In a world where people are increasingly self-absorbed, this only has the effect of making others turn more inward in return and think more of their own interests rather than ours. The royal road to influence and power is to go the opposite direction: Put the focus on others. Let them do the talking. Let them be the stars of the show. Their opinions and values are worth emulating. The causes they support are the noblest. Such attention is so rare in this world, and people are so hungry for it, that giving them such validation will lower their defenses and open their minds to whatever ideas you want to insinuate.
Daily Law: In conversation, try getting others to do 70 percent of the talking without them noticing, and see the effect.
The Laws of Human Nature
, 7: Soften People’s Resistance by Confirming Their Self-Opinion—The Law of Defensiveness