When you try to convince people of something, one of three things will happen. First, you might inadvertently challenge a particular aspect of their self-opinion. Second, you can leave their self-opinion in a neutral position—neither challenged nor confirmed. Third, you can actively confirm their self-opinion. In this case, you are fulfilling one of people’s greatest emotional needs. We can imagine that we are independent, intelligent, decent, and self-reliant, but only other people can truly confirm this for us. And in a harsh and competitive world in which we are all prone to continual self-doubt, we almost never get this validation that we crave. When you give it to people, you will have the magical effect that occurred when you yourself were drunk, or at a rally, or in love. You will make people relax. No longer consumed by insecurities, they can direct their attention outward. Their minds open, making them susceptible to suggestion and insinuation. If they decide to help you, they feel like they are doing this of their own free will.
Daily Law: Your task is simple: instill in people a feeling of inner security. Mirror their values, show that you like and respect them, make them feel you appreciate their wisdom and experience.
The Laws of Human Nature
, 7: Soften People’s Resistance by Confirming Their Self-Opinion—The Law of Defensiveness